Endgame thoughts

Endgame

At the recommendation of my best friend, I've started watching Endgame. I say "started" because there is so much to digest and it's getting late and already I'm having reactions to the material (it's also over two hours long).


Genetic engineering, Eugenics

I've always been able to relate to the ideas of "perfecting" humanity. I don't mean that I endorse it, but, on a personal level, yes, it makes sense to me. I might not want to have children with someone who had a history of some disease, for example. Do I think people ought to have the choice? I'm not sure. I think so.

But people are so often stupid. I'm not sure if it would be better to have them educated, or to simply limit their choices. Ideally, education; but that seems immensely difficult. I am thinking on it, though.


As a soldier, I'll need that "ideal" body. I want it for myself, yes. I want to train hard for it, I want to eat properly and discipline my body (yes, and I'm staying awake so late).

I think the military--at least, for the jobs that are almost entirely physical--should consist of the best bodies. Statistically, this would include fewer women, I'm sure; but I don't think that should be a deciding factor; there are sure to be women (if only a few) who can meet high physical standards, at least, when given the opportunity.

But, again as a soldier, I would be a tool of the government (I'll use this word very loosely for now). Morally, I can justify being a Reservist, because my focus is more local than international. At the same time, however, I may be used against my own people--Canadians, I mean. For now, I am still comfortable enough.


Brave New World

The beautiful and frightening thing about the "brave new world" is the way everyone can be happy. It's been a while since reading, but I remember the Alphas saying, "Even Epsilons can be useful," or something similar; and Epsilons saying, "I would hate to be an Alpha, they have so much responsibility". They're quite happy with being engineered and given the same expectations as machinery.

It's so efficient. It even works--in theory, at least.

It's frightening how much sense it all makes.

How do you fight that?

The world powers want to make the populations into efficient, expendable property. They have set the battle ground; we cannot choose our terrain, but must meet them on theirs, as I see it. I mean: an inefficient and emotional person will not make a very strong argument, because we have already learned to gauge efficiency and treat it as worth.

How does a slave fight slavery? By being a good slave and acquiring promotions and power? By rebelling and being slain--possibly catching the attention of those with power? I have no answer.


I'm realizing how much I want to be that efficient soldier. I used to be morally opposed to taking painkillers for headaches or illness or anything like that. The only times I've consented to painkillers have been for work or waking (extra) early for school or something else.

For a while, I was off caffeine when I realized I'd fallen into a habit of adding one spoon of instant coffee and one spoon of Ovaltine into my milk every morning, because it made me alert enough to make it to school. It felt entirely too mechanical, and I feared growing dependent.


Is it worse to be dependent or incapable?

For example: Drugs can increase ability (for example, alertness); but dependence is an easily-exploited weakness. Which holds the greater risk/loss?

Eugenics can create beautiful and efficient people, but it could be called a form of dependence--a more diverse population could better withstand certain viruses, for example. However, without the use of eugenics, population may have a higher portion of handicapped persons.

Does it come down to "Efficiency vs. Humanity"?


This is all I can write now. I need sleep. I want Kevin--I want to know his thoughts and motivations, especially on these issues. There's something....deeper or darker that seems to understand or at least acknowledge or struggle with morals or something--I can't tell yet.

Sleep time.
--Charlie

Arousal, Politics and Minorities

Confession!

There's this guy at work, he used to be an interviewer, and then he became a mentor, and now he's a team leader. He's got a voice like suede. Warm, deep brown suede that kind-of glints in the right light. It's calm, baritone but with an inner brightness, and it pushes everything else out of my head when he talks in his professional way. It makes me tingle, and I want to jump his voice every time I hear it.


Massage

I went for that one-hour couples' relaxation massage with Mark today. It wasn't nearly as intense as the other one, but it was very relaxing indeed! Unfortunately, my legs are still very stiff, I think. My masseuse spent much longer on my legs than Mark's spent on his.


No subtlety at all

Mark and I talked after. He said that was a great hour-long erection.

Y'know, I don't think I could stand being male. I really cannot handle being aroused, and from what I understand, puberty is a terribly confusing and (sometimes) frightening experience for males, because of sexual arousal or new bodily abilities. I think I would absolutely freak out if I woke up with an erection. Just--"what the fuck is this?!"

On the plus, I've heard that the arousal generally goes away once a male ejaculates, so maybe that's helpful.

I've heard that for most women, and I'd include myself, arousal is smoother, longer and doesn't just peak and fall off. It could take hours or days to get a woman in the mood. It generally happens over a longer time, and fades slower.

Sometimes I'd wish to trade for getting it out of my system as quickly as possible. Seriously? I cannot handle being aroused. I become (more) obscene around people, and it's so difficult to focus on anything other than ways to satisfy myself.

It's fun, I guess. And it's not like this happens very often--just, the times it does happen, it's barely within my control.

Man, I really hope this becomes easier to handle, with age.


Moving along...

I'm feeling creative again. I think I need to read more books. I feel like writing something--creating worlds again.


Sudden Political Topic!

Okay, I apologize in advance for not having any specifics, but I was watching some sort of interview with Stephen Harper and the reporter asked what he thought about some recent poll.

The PM's response was something like, "I don't listen to polls--this poll says one thing and another poll will tell you otherwise. No, I will not make a decision based only on the polls. I will make a decision based on what is right."

What?

Dude, I get that you want to do the right thing, but you were voted into a Democracy! I don't think that was the smartest thing to say. Nor do I think that's a very democratic view. We own your ass! We vote--maybe not us, specifically, but we have representatives who speak and act on our behalfs, and unless I really can't remember grade-school Social Studies, these people vote on decisions.

I suppose we also vote for representatives because we have faith in them--or because we lack faith in the others.

Also, what the fuck is the "Christian Heritage Party"?!

The party's explicit goal is to "apply proven Judeo-Christian principles of justice and compassion to Canada's contemporary public policy needs". The party claims that it seeks to represent all Christians in Canada, but that they acknowledge many Christians are members of other parties, and they specifically deny any interest in converting Canadians to Christianity. It also claims to be Canada's only pro-life federal political party, and emphasizes that the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms acknowledges "God" (in its members' interpretation meaning the Judeo-Christian God) in its preamble. Other policies include staunch opposition to same sex marriage, staunch support for the US-led war in Iraq, and a subsidy for parents raising children, to encourage one parent to stay at home rather than working.

Wow. Just, fuckin' wow.

There's so much in politics that makes me angry. I want to be out there fighting for Queers, Immigrants, the Homeless, and many other minorities. I want Queers and Immigrants to feel safe and entitled to the same legal rights as those in majorities. And why the fuck are there homeless people in fuckin' Canada?!

I never used to be politically-minded. It used to be head-knowledge: "This is a cabinet, these are members of parliament, Canada borrows from the British system, the Queen blah blah blah."

I guess being Queer does that.

There's a feeling I have, like a pressure; as though I should only care for these minorities because I share commonalities. I hate that feeling. I hate that feeling like I'd have to be in that persecuted group in order to care for them. No! Fuckin' no!

Sure it's part of the reason, but you don't have to be homeless to be homeless, you don't have to be homeless to be poor. You don't have to be a Queer Asian Female to be different in some way from the people who would decide the bigger things in your life.

I know of no person who has the luxury of having nothing in common with those who are persecuted.

Do people fight only for the things they are a part of? I think so--at least, that it's a big tendency. Which would mean that minorities will stay minorities.

Just a quick example, because I'm falling asleep and need an example:

Assume the popular belief is that Bobs are worthless, and Bobs are a minority. Suppose a few (or all the) Bobs stand up for the belief that Bobs are not worthless. Since the popular belief is that Bobs are worthless, and humans have a tendency not to fight for something unless they belong to it, the Bobs will never convince a majority that Bobs are not worthless.

Man, I need to sleep on a happier note.

FLUFFY PINK BUNNIES.

--Charissa