Kevin!

Kevin

Our "fun question of the day" at work was something like: "What is one very identifying characteristic or quality about yourself? In other words, what is a characteristic you have that makes you 'you'?"

I said something about me being an artist; that I analyze and look for patterns and meanings and, if I can, I add to it.

Kevin came over on Wednesday, and I asked him this question. I asked him that question. His reply surprised me.

"Earnest," he said. I looked questioningly at him. "I mean, I try, I do, honestly." He made some other elaboration I can't quite remember; but mostly, I wasn't familiar with the word "earnest."

earnest
adjective

1. serious in intention, purpose, or effort; sincerely zealous: an earnest worker.
   
2. showing depth and sincerity of feeling: earnest words; an earnest entreaty.
   
3. seriously important; demanding or receiving serious attention.

"earnest." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 11 Apr. 2008. .

Yeah. Wow. That he would say "earnest" as a very identifying characteristic surprises me.

I would have described him as cautious. Uncertain but "going forward" or "willing to go forward" maybe. "Just adventurous enough to take an extra step if drawn in some direction by someone else." Maybe?

There's something very fluid about him; but in being fluid, also somewhat unstable or maybe "tumultuous"--it feels as though he's fighting against himself, that the "instability" is within.

I'm not exactly sure why I like Kevin so much.

Part of it is his accepting nature. When I got my most recent haircut, he didn't stare; he didn't ask questions; he didn't say anything false--he didn't say anything! And it was...very welcome. He takes me in with no questions or expectations. I love that. Mind, I also like to challenge and discomfort people; so maybe I'd actually find him boring after a while. Maybe.

Another large part of it is his newness--he is uncharted territory to me, and I love a good puzzle.

I kind of want to talk to him on that level--though maybe I'm entirely wrong. But this is a journal, and here my imagination rules.

To: Kevin's soul

I think you're used to following or being led around. From what I've seen, you're very good at it, too. You're introverted, and "inside yourself". You can be comfortable pretty much anywhere because of this.

So get uncomfortable!

Go a little deeper inside yourself and ask what it is you want to do--what you yearn to do or experience. Set aside some time for yourself, and then seek after what it is you want--go out and search for it! Be not led by others, but by yourself!

Give it a try! It might feel it's strange and entirely too different to be "right". But you're young enough to try, and you've the means to try.

Lead yourself! Go where you choose; find yourself; be free!

I like that I'm leaving for two months. Maybe he'll be...well, of course "different" but... "more different"? Maybe he'll be "more different" when I get back, and we can begin again:

"I'm Charlie."
"I'm Kevin."
"Good to meet you!"

Is that what I want? Someone to come "back" to? To have my own, maybe separate, adventures, and to come back and swap stories? That doesn't sound like romance, but it sounds like marriage or deep friendship.

I've always "known" that I could marry my best friend--if only "romance" weren't supposed to factor in (it got to the point where he said, "I bet this is what marriage is like", referring to the way we can communicate almost instantaneously). We just have that...relate-able-ness. We have a core understanding of one another. We can leave each other and come back, and still communicate. I love that!

I think I'm going to have something similar with Kevin. It feels that way, at least. There's that sexual tension, too. I'm not sure what will come of it--maybe nothing, maybe everything. Who knows!

--Charlie!