I practice talking sometimes.

It's a little funny that way: I've worked over the air before, but I have such little confidence in my voice. I stutter. My lips or teeth or jaw have always felt awkward, and I'd even seen a speech therapist when I was young. The braces didn't help, and the full implications of "JAW SURGERY" hit me all at once about a month before it was supposed to happen. I'm also first-generation Canadian, and my parents have never been great with English. I don't know if that's why I took to music and drawing and literature and Math so eagerly.

I've always had a thing for expression, for communication. Anyone who knows me will also know I have a crush on Math for that very reason--among others.

I love that, in Math, any aspect of life or any thought can be modeled using these strange symbols and even stranger rules, both of which can be taught to anyone; ideas can be communicated, proven, or disproven, and even improved upon by any number of people also seeking to find the most perfect expressions.

It's a whole community devoted to perfect universal truths.

... Hehe!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I am so fucking pissed off right now. So fucking angry. SO FUCKING ANGRY.

Went in for my kit inspection tonight, and found out I'm not actually leaving this month. I'm not leaving until the end of fucking June. THE END OF FUCKING JUNE.

Two fucking months. This means, not only do I have to suck through GD for two months, it also means I'll be later registering for University courses and maybe I won't even be going back to school this year. FUCKING NOT GOING BACK TO FUCKING SCHOOL FUCKING YET. That's FUCKING INTOLERABLE--one year without school was enough. TWO FUCKING years is too much.

Only a few upsides to this:

  • I can say my goodbyes to everyone I hoped to say goodbye to, for real this time;
  • I can (hopefully) go to the bikeathon again this year;
  • I can spend more time with Kevin (though I've got it better in my head what I want / what will happen with "us", but that's another topic);
  • I have more time to sort myself out;
  • I can get my army kit sorted out; and
  • I have more time to get in better shape.


Downsides:
  • I took an LOA from work;
  • I took an LOA from teaching;
  • I told all my friends and acquaintances that I'm leaving at the end of April;
  • I have to fucking do General Duties (GD) for another two fucking months;
  • I am so fucking angry right now; and
  • I have less time to register / think about University courses.


I should also add that on Saturday--the day when I normally teach--I have to choose between getting paid for teaching (and possibly also teaching) or fucking playing with FIRE on base. I'll probably go with FUCKING PLAYING WITH FIRE, HELLS YEAH, just because.

--Charlie

Posted by Charlie at 10:53 PM

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