Dreams and Leaving

Dreams

I had a very strange dream about Kevin today/last night. I'll try to summarize it.

We were going for a walk at night, kinda romantic and stuff. I'd been thinking about other people and how he'd never been with anyone else before. So I stopped suddenly and asked him, "How would you describe our relationship?"

I think he paused and eventually said something to the effect of "friendly with a possible romantic interest?"

I laughed, punched him in the arm (in playfulness!) and agreed. We talked about our "relationship", and I eventually said, "Let's have an open relationship" or something.

Later, we met these two or three girls; I think it was on the bus. One of them was based on a co-worker, and another was some pretty girl. The pretty girl was sitting across from us. For some reason, it was made known to everyone that she was interested in dating Kevin. I said, "Well, she's pretty," and she got upset. "Oh, sure, I'm 'pretty', that's all I am, isn't it? Well what do you know!" sort of thing.

The other girl, let's call her Cat, was in front of us, and she kept making eyes at Kevin. I thought it might be interesting to watch, so I scooted over a seat and let her sit beside him.

She's one of those attention-grabbers. She loves attention. She'll speak esoterically and I think the only reason she's interested in some things is for bragging or the sake of being "interesting".

I remember getting sick of her very quickly. But, of course, Kevin liked having this kind of attention paid to him, and found the girl interesting enough, and I was the one who suggested we "open things up a bit", so I held.

It got irritating pretty fast!

I'm not sure exactly how, but I think we all camped or somehow stayed at some house for the night. We took turns "sharing" Kevin. I taught him how to cook and we went for a walk (or something); and she put on a movie and taught him how to cuddle and make out. I was furious.

Actually, I was jealous. I was very vividly jealous. I'd never been jealous like that before--either in real life or dreams.

I'm not sure that it ever ended up getting resolved; I don't remember. But I remember that jealousy cutting into me, like a red-hot fire poker. So I guess the moral of the story is: If I want to have an open relationship with Kevin, I should prepare to be jealous.

Hah!


BMQ/SQ

I've never been away from home and family for two months before. I think the longest was one month, but even then, I was with my eldest brother in Germany.

In less than two weeks, I'll be away for my BMQ/SQ, with no family there. Just me. Me and my thoughts; me and my habits and idiosyncrasies and quirks. And those will slow me down, until I drop them and grow into a soldier--until they remake me in their image.

But, I'm also learning very useful skills--I'll even get my First Aid qualification, which is always great on a resume--and getting paid to learn.

I'm saying "bye" to a lot of friends before leaving. It feels weird. It's only two months. I've gone longer without seeing them, before. Do I want to feel special this time? Maybe. I think I want to be comforted. Strange.


--Charlie!