I practice talking sometimes.

It's a little funny that way: I've worked over the air before, but I have such little confidence in my voice. I stutter. My lips or teeth or jaw have always felt awkward, and I'd even seen a speech therapist when I was young. The braces didn't help, and the full implications of "JAW SURGERY" hit me all at once about a month before it was supposed to happen. I'm also first-generation Canadian, and my parents have never been great with English. I don't know if that's why I took to music and drawing and literature and Math so eagerly.

I've always had a thing for expression, for communication. Anyone who knows me will also know I have a crush on Math for that very reason--among others.

I love that, in Math, any aspect of life or any thought can be modeled using these strange symbols and even stranger rules, both of which can be taught to anyone; ideas can be communicated, proven, or disproven, and even improved upon by any number of people also seeking to find the most perfect expressions.

It's a whole community devoted to perfect universal truths.

... Hehe!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Socializing tonight!

Me

So, I've never really gotten over that guy from Saskatchewan. I realize it was just a fling -sort of thing, but not being someone who usually has flings--with guys--while working....well, it's hard for me to let go of him. Yes, he lives far away, I'll probably never see him again, if I do see him again, it'll be on a professional level; I, in all likelihood, scared him off... Yes, okay, it's my fault.

Actually, I wonder what's bothering me most: missing him, or my regrets? Huh... I think my regrets...

Anyway.

Tonight was a small "mixer" party. Fun! Gay men are wonderful. I got so many hugs tonight!

There were a few minor complications, however.

- In the past, one of the gay guys, M--- said, "You're manly" to me, in a sort of "Ooh, you're *manly*". I really don't know how to interpret this, so I'll just assume he was being a kidder.

- Creepy-Ass showed up again. This is someone who used to grope my arm when he'd say hello to me. I don't like him; not only that, I *dislike* him, he makes me uncomfortable, being near him is almost suffocating, he disturbs me and I feel almost an obligation to make sure he's not making anyone else as uncomfortable as he made me. Ugh.

- There was a drunk girl. We sat together for the last bit, put our arms around each other. Nothing more.

- Throughout the entire day, I received sooo much sexual innuendo. Apparently, I was in a foursome--well, that's what they called it, but we were just sitting together on the couch...together. There may have been some touching. Actually, we had a back-rub chain of at least three, a bit later. And at one point, M--- and I talked, kinda--well, he said something implicating, and then I just had to clarify and ask, "Do you *like* women?" and his response was something like, "Well, I'll take what I can get. I'd just have to close my eyes and pretend it's someone else." I don't know if he meant anything by that--probably not.



Aaaanyway, I have to:
- mark papers
- prepare a lesson plan
- get ready for my Stat midterm which is tomorrow morning
ALL BEFORE TOMORROW MORNING. MORNING.

Tonight will be much fun. YES.

--Charlie

Posted by Charlie at 10:07 PM

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