I practice talking sometimes.

It's a little funny that way: I've worked over the air before, but I have such little confidence in my voice. I stutter. My lips or teeth or jaw have always felt awkward, and I'd even seen a speech therapist when I was young. The braces didn't help, and the full implications of "JAW SURGERY" hit me all at once about a month before it was supposed to happen. I'm also first-generation Canadian, and my parents have never been great with English. I don't know if that's why I took to music and drawing and literature and Math so eagerly.

I've always had a thing for expression, for communication. Anyone who knows me will also know I have a crush on Math for that very reason--among others.

I love that, in Math, any aspect of life or any thought can be modeled using these strange symbols and even stranger rules, both of which can be taught to anyone; ideas can be communicated, proven, or disproven, and even improved upon by any number of people also seeking to find the most perfect expressions.

It's a whole community devoted to perfect universal truths.

... Hehe!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

le Quoi?

So I think Mark and I just broke up?

We've known eachother since grade nine; seven years now? We dated at one point. We've been buds since. And since getting out of Uni, we've been spending more time together. But we're wearing down on eachother.

I become terribly rude and obscene and cynical around him. I hate to put it this way, but he brings out all my bad qualities.

And I'm not so good for him. I exhaust and aggravate him with my lack of understanding of the things he's interested in.


Neek took me out for lunch the other day. It was good. We ate at this wonderful little Thai restaurant. Unfortunately, I found the curry to be very salty, and couldn't even finish half . The owner/server took it off our bill. I felt so bad!!

Neek and I talked.

It feels so good to be.... To feel appreciated? To fit in? To be validated? To have my feelings and experiences and frustrations validated for the fact that others have experienced them, and I am not so unique as to be alone?

He actually pointed out when the conversation was getting beyond him. I was trying to explain some Physics to him, about Light being both Particle AND Wave at the same time, and if you set up a test to find the position, you found it; but if your test was for momentum, you also found it. Even if you switched your test half-way, you found the one you were looking for.

And this started going over his head, so he told me it was getting difficult to follow. And on the inside, I was going, "HA! So I'm not the only one!"

Felt so good!

I mentioned in an earlier post that I need to remember that there are people who are good for me, as well as those who are bad for me. The trick is to keep a healthy balance. The people who are bad for me are only bad if I'm with them too much.



Me

I'm generally pretty transparent; honest. Rarely do I have "hidden motives" or anything like that. When something bothers me, I let it out (usually immediately). I get angry over lots of things. I get happy over lots of things. (PINK BUNNIES.)


[post abandonned]

Posted by Charlie at 10:57 PM

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