BIG FLAMING HOMO

Artwork

Here are two watercolours from over Easter:

1. There was an article on rabbits on the Easter newspaper, and they were just so adorable. I dug out my watercolours.

I tried to get that "fuzzy" effect of wet-on-wet. Didn't quite work. Also, Bunny looks too tall, like it's a hunched monster, instead of a cute nibbler. The grass didn't turn out nicely, either. I think the biggest problem is my lack of planning.

2. I put more planning into this doodle.

I like this little fellow a lot! This piece is on display in my room.


Queer

I've been thinking about queerness again. The issue has come up with one of my close friends, let's call him Andy, because he's mostly straight, but he loves his best friend, and now they're acting on it.

Andy was one of the first people I came out to--of course, because we were close friends. He didn't get why I had to make such a big deal out of being queer; it's not his business, so why should he care? And every time I'd say something unquestionably queer, he'd call me on it and get fed up immediately. Can't say I'd have blamed him; I think I was the first queer person he had a relationship with.

Anyway. Turns out he loves his best friend. He told me that, ever since I came out to him, he'd been thinking about his love for his best friend. I don't mean to be an I-told-you-so, but I could tell my queerness made him uncomfortable on a deeper and more personal level than just, "Ew, you're a queer person." But I figured it'd be best to let him figure out why he reacted so much.

Our relationship's been through a heck of a lot. I'm not sure what's going on right now; we talked about our differences. He thinks Gay Pride Parades are counterproductive, because shoving it in others' faces won't make them any more accepting. I believe Gay Pride Parades are more about celebrating than convincing. Similarly, I don't think fiancees invite guests to their wedding to convince them they love eachother; they invite others to celebrate.

Is it vain to celebrate in public? Maybe. But some people think they have all sorts of rights. I still remember our History teacher saying, "Some people believe they have the right to be surrounded only by white people." Similarly, I think some people believe they have the right to be surrounded by only heteronormative people.

Andy says that I'm intolerant of those who aren't as open-minded. Sadly, I think he's got a point. I really, really wish people were more open-minded. At the same time, I'm learning that there needs to be all sorts of people for the world to work. (I think that's what the Tower of Babel was about.)

"You need to be more open-minded!" has been added to my list of ironic phrases.


I like obscenity

I'm not sure why. I like that it rubs us the wrong way and makes us uncomfortable. I like controversy and making people uncomfortable. Is that selfish? Do I like being made uncomfortable? ... I think I do; sometimes. I can appreciate it when something makes me uncomfortable--intellectually.

Sometimes I'm a bit too obscene for my own social survival (like playing games with Kevin's brother who's three years younger than us). Man, I can just see it happening--I'm courting Kevin and I'm over for a family dinner and I start talking about clits and menstruation over a fabulous turkey dinner and suddenly everyone has lost appetite.

I'm trying to tone it down when I'm around certain crews.


Church

I stick out in my church. We're maybe 99% Asians, and all of us, generally, very traditional. Of the women, I probably have the shortest hair. I try to style it so that it looks "modern" as opposed to "masculine", but somehow I'm always wearing masculine ("gender neutral" at best) clothes, too. Everyone always says it's "cute", like if they said anything else, it might be insulting or give me away as a queer.

Dammit, I'm pretty open, too.

I want to be a FLAMING HOMO in my church. But that's a bit difficult for women; I guess I could pierce the bajeebus out of my face, and wear a mohawk and black pants with metal chains hanging everywhere. Or, I dunno, plaid and steel-toed boots.

The weird thing is that I trust our leaders: pastors and some elders and teachers, and even some of the more prominent figures in our general body/classes. But it's everyone else; the way gossip travels, the way everyone is up in everyone else's business--I can't stand that.

I'd love it if I could shout, "WOOO, I'M A HOMO!" and stop everyone from trying to ask and gossip. "GET OVER IT!" I know this group of people would have little problem with it; and there would definitely be some people on the ends of the spectrum, who'd either congratulate me, or condemn me; but the majority of them would whisper about how sorry they are for my soul: "Is that proper? I don't think it's proper. Maybe she'll go to Hell. Poor girl. Let's pray that she changes."

"THAT'S RIGHT, I LOVE CLIT! BOOBS ARE FANTASTIC, AND NIPPLES ARE FLIPPIN' AMAZING!"

Haha. Right, that's happening.

--Charlie!